


Dean's Dirty Little Secret

by aquamarinedean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Fluff, I honestly don't know what I was writing, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 19:30:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1699907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquamarinedean/pseuds/aquamarinedean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel have been in a relationship for a few months. Cas wants Dean to tell his family, but Dean's so far in the closet he's in Narnia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dean's Dirty Little Secret

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but please give this a go!

They were three months into their relationship when things started to change. Cas was beginning to get fed up with Dean wanting to keep their relationship a secret, as he just wanted to tell the whole world that Dean Winchester was his. They had moved in together within the first month, Dean assuring his family that Cas was a ‘good friend’. Which was technically right, Cas was Dean’s best friend and boyfriend too. 

Cas didn’t see why Dean couldn’t just come clean to his family and friends, he didn’t think any of them would mind at all, but Dean thought that taking it up the ass made him ‘less manly’. Cas had scoffed when Dean had said that, he found the suggestion simply absurd. He was sick of not being able to hold Dean’s hand and kiss him in public, just like all the other couples they saw.

He was sick of women eyeing him up and got insanely jealous because no thank you, Dean belonged to him. And on top of that, Dean had been acting strangely recently. Cas huffed out a sigh and collapsed onto the sofa in their apartment.  
"What’s wrong, love?" Dean called from the kitchen. That was another thing. When they were anywhere but their apartment, Dean never used any of his pet names for Cas, which probably annoyed Cas the most. He loved Dean’s pet names for him. Cas sighed again and decided that, yes, now was the time to voice his concerns. 

"Dean, don’t get me wrong, I love you and I’m glad we’re together, but don’t you think it’s time we stopped hiding it from everyone else?" He heard a loud thump from the kitchen and then the sound of feet padding closer to where he lay.   
"Cas.." Dean dragged his boyfriend’s name out as he came into his line of vision. Cas lifted his legs to allow Dean to slide onto the sofa beside him, and then put his feet on Dean’s lap. Cas tilted his head slightly, staring at Dean, waiting to see what he would say next. 

”Cas, sweetheart, I’m sorry, I really am, but I don’t think I’m ready yet,” Dean said softly, cupping Cas’ cheek. Cas breathed in and out slowly, trying to control himself. He felt angry. More pissed-off than angry, really. He didn’t want to keep his relationship from Dean private anymore. 

He felt like he was Dean’s dirty little secret, like Dean went about his daily business as he always had and then came home to Cas in the evenings, switching into a different person. Hell, Dean was jumpy in public even if there was no one to be seen. But he loved Dean. Did he really want to risk losing him? Cas had been openly gay for his entire life, while Dean had always maintained that he was straight. Maybe he just needed some time to adjust? 

Cas pushed his anger down until he could barely feel it anymore. He noticed that Dean was still staring at him. “Just a few more weeks, please Cas, and then we can tell everyone. I just- I need some time to, uh, get my head around it, I guess,” Dean punctuated his sentence with a shrug. 

”It’s fine, Dean, I understand, I’m sorry for pushing you,” Cas answered, nuzzling into Dean’s palm, which was still pressed against his cheek. He decided to let it go for now. Maybe in a few weeks like he had said, Dean would be ready. 

_._._._._._._._._._._._ 

At least a month had passed before Cas asked Dean that question again. He felt that he had given Dean more than enough time to ‘get his head around it’ (really, was it that hard to say: “Cas and I are in love”?) and he was growing increasingly more annoyed by the day due to Dean’s actions when they were not in the safety of the apartment. 

Also, Dean was still acting strangely, like he was trying to keep something a secret from Cas. This time, he asked Dean the question during the ad break of ‘Dr Sexy M.D.’ - Dean’s choice, not Cas’ - and Dean had frozen when the words left Cas’ lips. “Cas, baby-” Dean started and Cas just knew that he was going to say ‘just a few more weeks’ or some shitty-ass excuse like that. Cas was having none of it. 

"Stop Dean, just stop," he ground out angrily. Dean flinched in surprise and at the harshness of Cas’ tone. "Have you ever thought that maybe I might get annoyed at the way you treat me in public? It’s like you don’t want me, and it hurts Dean, it really hurts," Cas was whispering now, his anger faded to sadness. Dean swallowed. 

One one hand, he was guilty that he was hurting Cas. On the other, he didn’t want to tell anyone. He was afraid. “Cas- I’m not sure- I don’t know what you want me to do,” Dean said, his voice barely loud enough for Cas to hear. But Cas did hear. Like a volcano, Cas erupted. 

”Don’t know what I want you to do? You don’t know what I want you to do?! Dean, I’ve been telling you for months what I want you to do! Why is it so hard to tell people that we’re in love?! Is that it, do you not love me?” Cas stood up off the sofa, watching as Dean followed, the TV forgotten. Dean opened and shut his mouth a few times, but no sound came out.   
Finally, he croaked, “You know I love you Cas, you know I do,” which only fuelled Cas’ anger. “If you love me so much, why the hell are you so afraid to show it? I want to hold your hand, I want to kiss you, I want to shout from the fucking rooftops, ‘Dean Winchester is mine’! I want to be like those cute couples we see when we’re out, but do you know why we can’t? Because you’re too fucking ‘afraid’,” Cas seethed. 

"If you weren’t such a fucking coward, Dean, we could’ve been doing that weeks ago! Grow some balls, for god’s sake! Just because you admit that you love me doesn’t make you any less ‘manly’ and you fucking know it. I bloody well hate it when women eye you up as if you’re a piece of meat and I can do nothing to stop it, I can’t even hold your hand! I hate you and your stupid fucking pet names that you won’t even use when we’re outside this apartment," Cas stopped to catch his breath.   
Dean looked dumbstruck and slightly scared at Cas’ violent outburst. He had never realised how Cas felt. He realised that he had been quite an asshole, to be honest. He was just about to admit that when Cas started up again. “I hate it Dean, I really do. The way you treat me, it makes me feel like absolute shit. If any of my brothers, especially Gabriel, knew about this, they’d say that you were playing me. That you only want me when we’re inside the ‘safety’ of this apartment. 

A month ago I wouldn’t have believed them, but now, I find that I do. I love you Dean, but I don’t know what you want from me. Is it just sex? A nice little housewife to come home to, someone who’s cooked you dinner?” Cas was crying now, shouting angrily with tears streaming down his face. Suddenly, he stopped shouting. His shoulders hunched over and his body sagged in defeat. Dean tried to pull Cas into his arms, to comfort him, but Cas pulled away. 

"Dean, I don’t want to be your dirty little secret anymore," Cas whispered through his tears, backing away from where Dean stood, paralysed with shock. Cas’ words echoed in Dean’s ears, causing his heart rate to speed up and the sound of blood rushing filled his ears. He was angry. 

"Fine Cas, y’know what? Fuck it. You don’t need me and that’s fine. I’ll- I’ll just go," he shouted, storming from the apartment and slamming the door behind him. Cas sank to the floor, covering his hands with his face, as his entire body shook with sobs. No, no, no, this was not what he had intended to happen. He had never meant to shout at Dean, the words had just came tumbling out before he could stop them. 

He sighed sadly, at least Dean knew the truth now. But he didn’t deny it. Maybe Cas was Dean’s dirty little secret after all. Cas cried until he had no tears left, his body shaking with silent sobs. Slowly, he drifted into unconsciousness, lying on the apartment floor, the TV playing repeats of ‘Dr Sexy M.D.’ to the silent room. 

_._._._._._._._._._._._ 

Dean walked to Sam’s house. He had left his phone in the apartment, and there was no way in hell he was going back there. Angrily, he kicked an empty bottle on the pavement, gaining no satisfaction whatsoever when it flew a few feet in front of him. He needed to smash something. 

Briefly, he considered going back to the apartment and breaking everything there, but the apartment meant Cas, and he was not prepared to deal with his boyfriend right now. Was Cas still his boyfriend? Dean wondered. Cas had said some pretty mean things back there, none of them pleasing Dean in the slightest. He was prepared to sort things out with Cas until he’d suggested that Dean was using him for his own pleasure, which had sent Dean over the edge.   
Dean wasn’t like that, and he knew that Cas knew that, but yet he’d still chosen to think that Dean was ‘playing’ him. That had made Dean furious. He’d been dealing with enough shit the past month, what with his manager wanting to move him to a new job on the other side of the country, and Dean was trying his hardest to stay where he was, with Cas. Right now, he was seriously considering taking his manager up on that offer. 

Sam didn’t ask when Dean turned up on his doorstep, obviously angry and with very obvious red-rimmed eyes, he just let his brother in and ushered him upstairs to the spare room. It took Dean hours to get to sleep, his mind wouldn’t shut up about the fact that he had definitely lost Cas. Exhausted, Dean eventually slipped into a dreamless sleep. 

_._._._._._._._._._._._

The first thing Dean did when he woke up was call his manager. She seemed delighted that he had decided to take her up on her offer and informed him that his apartment there would be ready within a week, and she would book his flight and call him back with the details. 

Dean shuffled downstairs, feeling a headache beginning to form. God, he really needed to get drunk. Sam greeted Dean in the kitchen, explaining that Jess was out taking the kids to school and that she’d be back soon. Sam knew better than to ask Dean if he wanted to talk about it, and instead let him mope around the house sadly. 

He wondered why Dean was acting like this, it was almost as if his girlfriend had broken up with him or something. Sam was puzzled, as far as he knew, Dean didn’t have a girlfriend. Suddenly, it clicked. Sam wasn’t a lawyer for nothing. He grinned in realisation. Cas. He knew it. It was too damn obvious from the way they awkwardly tried not to touch each other and stared too much when they thought the other wasn’t looking. 

Sam was surprised, why hadn’t Dean told him? It wasn’t as if nobody had already figured it out - hell, even Bobby had - but the sentiment would’ve been nice. He was just about to skip into the living room where Dean was situated and congratulate his brother but he stopped in his tracks. If Dean was acting like this, it had to mean that he and Cas had fought. Sam bet he knew what it was about. 

Ever since he was a teenager, Dean had a fixation with looking ‘tough’ after some school bullies had called him a ‘faggot’ for being friends with girls. Dean had immediately ditched his friends, choosing to hang out with the kids who teased him in order to prove them wrong. It seemed, to Sam anyway, that Dean had never forgotten the bullies’ words. 

Obviously by revealing to the world that he had a boyfriend, Dean believed that people, including his family, would turn on him. It wasn’t that hard to figure out, really. Sam decided to let Dean sort it out on his own, after all, when his big brother needed him, all he had to do was ask. 

_._._._._._._._._._._._ 

Cas lay in the middle of a warzone. Not really, it was only the apartment, but it looked as if a tornado had hurtled through it, destroying everything in its path. The tornado was Cas. He had woken up full of unresolved rage, and had proceeded to smash and hurl everything he could get his hands on until he collapsed from sheer exhaustion, his arms sore from the effort, his throat raw from screaming. 

Broken glass and furniture lay in a spiral around his body and Cas stared at it, willing the apartment to go back to the way it was before he had started to throw things. His eyes danced around the mess, finally coming to rest on a shattered picture frame with the photo inside ripped in half. That was how he felt right now, ripped in half. Torn in two. 

He wanted to make it up to Dean, he wanted him back, but he also wanted Dean to stay away and never come back. Cas heaved his body up off the cold floor and tiptoed his way though the mess, trying not to step on any shards of glass. He successfully made it to the bathroom and stripped down, turning the shower on hot, but not hot enough to burn him. He stepped into the shower and let the water flow in rivers down his face. At least, like this, he could pretend he wasn’t crying. 

_._._._._._._._._._._._ 

After at least three hours of staring at the television screen but not really paying attention, Dean decided enough was enough. He couldn’t deal with these thoughts anymore. He needed to get flat-out drunk, drunk enough that his thoughts wouldn’t plague him anymore as they became a meaningless stream. 

He hadn’t needed to get this drunk since his teens, when some high-school dicks turned on him for kissing another dude in a drunken game of spin-the-bottle. That started up a whole new round of rumours, which ended with Dean receiving several bruises down his legs and across his rib cage, which he had successfully managed to hide from his parents and Sam. They didn’t need to worry about him. They had more important things to worry about. 

He grabbed Sam’s keys, shouting that he was going out, and left the house. Thank god his wallet was in his jeans when he’d left the apartment. He drove quickly, the need for alcohol pushing him to go faster. Dean purchased everything strong that his poor wallet could afford and raced back to Sam’s house, determined to get as drunk as humanly possible. 

What he didn’t see, as he raced through the door and upstairs with several bags in his arms, was his brother watching from the shadows, his eyes filled with sadness. Sam knew what was in those bags. He knew Dean. And as badly as he wanted to take the alcohol away from his brother, he knew that this was how Dean coped. Alcohol was his coping mechanism. 

_._._._._._._._._._._._ 

On the other side of town, Cas was sitting in his and Dean’s- correction, his bedroom, a bottle of whiskey in hand. The glass he had initially been using lay in pieces on the opposite side of the room, Cas having chosen to take long swigs straight from the bottle instead. 

The whiskey numbed and slowed his thoughts, taking them away from their now-permanent subject - Dean. Cas worried about him, even though he knew Dean had probably went to seek refuge with Sam and his wife Jessica. Still, his brain couldn’t discard the image of Dean lying in an alleyway somewhere, battered and bruised. Slowly, due to the alcohol, Cas’ body slumped downwards and the now-empty bottle fell from his hands, landing softly on the sheets below it. Cas didn’t notice, however, as he had already fallen into an uncomfortable sleep. 

_._._._._._._._._._._._ 

This continued for the duration of the next few days, both parties worrying about the other and considering finding each other and then getting so drunk they lost consciousness, trying their hardest to numb the pain they felt inside.

_._._._._._._._._._._._

It was on the sixth day that Dean received the call. His new apartment was ready and his flight was booked for the next day. Dean sighed, this was it, he was finally moving on. He had already decided that he would just buy clothes when he arrived, as his new home was already furnished and he didn’t want to go back to his old one. Dean thought about what would happen when he came back to visit Sam during the holidays. 

He imagined going to the local shop to buy more beer and snacks and bumping into old friends. He imagined them asking him how he was doing with his job, how life was in his new home, all that stuff. Then Dean imagined seeing Cas. His heart broke as he saw Cas snuggled up in the arms of a man of average height, with light brown hair and a bit of stubble, wearing a ridiculously low grey v-neck. His heart shattered even more as he imagined Cas laughing that wonderful laugh he loved, only it wasn’t directed at him. It was directed at the douchebag who held him, the douchebag with the pretentious British accent. 

Cas laughed, gazing up adoringly at his new boyfriend. Dean went downstairs and told Sam that he was moving after that. He couldn’t stand to continue that previous thought. Sam had reacted surprisingly well to Dean’s news, so Dean thought. Inside, Sam was freaking out. He knew that Dean was only taking this job to get away from Cas, but he would regret it if he did.   
Still, Sam said nothing. He decided that it wasn’t his place to do anything and that they would figure it out themselves. He hugged Dean, telling him that he was happy for him and wishing him all the best with his new job, just in case he didn’t get to say all he wanted the next morning. 

Lying in the bed in Sam’s spare room that night, Dean thought about how Cas would react when he realised that Dean was gone. Over the past few days, while wallowing in self-pity, he’d come to accept that he was indeed in love with Cas and he didn’t care who knew. He wanted to tell his family and friends and every stranger on the streets but there was one problem.   
His pride was extremely hurt, and he didn’t- he couldn’t go back to Cas after all this. Besides, he had already secured that new job and that fancy new apartment. He couldn’t give it up now, not when he didn’t even know if Cas would take him back. He’d already picked up the new mobile phone Sam had bought him and dialled Cas’ number from memory before he realised what he was doing. 

Cas’ soft mumble of “hello?” was all he needed to snap him out of his trance. Dean froze, not sure what to say. Should he hang up? What should he do? “Hello Castiel,” Dean said, hearing a muffled gasp on the other end of the phone. Formal? Too formal? “I just wanted to tell you that I’m moving away tomorrow. The flight’s tomorrow morning and I just- I wanted you to know, I guess,” he continued. 

"Oh." Cas seemed disappointed. "Well, that’s all then, uh, goodbye," Dean said awkwardly. "Yes. Yes, goodbye Dean," Cas replied just as awkwardly. Before he could say something he’d regret, Dean hung up and then turned his phone off so he wasn’t tempted to call Cas again.

_._._._._._._._._._._._ 

The next morning passed quickly, Dean said goodbye to Jess and the kids, Sam drove him to the airport, then he was saying goodbye to his little brother too. Dean finally arrived in the waiting area and checked the time - just twenty minutes until his flight boarded. He exhaled a shaky breath. This was it. He was leaving. 

Meanwhile, Cas had been woken up by a strange feeling. It settled in his gut, putting him on edge. Something wasn’t right. Gasping, Cas shot up out of bed, searching frantically for his mobile phone. He needed to call Dean. He needed to tell Dean that he couldn’t let him leave. However hard he tried, Cas couldn’t get through to Dean. He’d left countless messages but it seemed that Dean was ignoring him. 

A few tears of despair escaped as Cas realised that Dean was going to board that plane and leave him forever, and he couldn’t cope with that. In a last attempt, Cas dialled Sam’s number, hoping he could tell him where his brother was. Sam answered on the first ring. 

”Sam!” Cas gasped. “I can’t get through to him and I need to tell him not to get on that plane, I need him, Sam!” Sam checked his watch and closed his eyes, taking a few seconds to compose himself. “Cas, I’m sorry,” he said, his voice filled with sorrow. “Dean’s plane took off about ten minutes ago.” Cas let the phone slip from his hands as he curled up on the bed, body shaking with silent sobs. He had lost Dean. 

_._._._._._._._._._._._ 

Cas had somehow managed to clear the wreckage in the living room over to one side so he could at least move around slightly without worrying about getting shards of glass caught in the soles of his feet. He padded about, eyes red-rimmed and voice hoarse from crying and screaming profanities to an empty apartment. He felt numb, empty. 

He wished he’d never had that argument with Dean. He wished Dean hadn’t been so damn stubborn. Hell, now he was turning bitter. His eyes caught a shattered picture frame with the photo inside ripped in half. He hadn’t dared to move it. But now he leant closer, picking up the two halves of the photo. One half was him, the other was Dean. The picture had been taken years ago at some family event, but it was by far their favourite photo. Cas slotted the ripped edges together, wishing it was this easy to fix their relationship. 

”Cas,” a voice behind him whispered, making Cas jump in surprise and drop the photo. Turning slowly, his eyes met with the man of his thoughts. Green met blue. “I didn’t get on the plane,” Dean grinned, holding his arms out, and Cas ran towards Dean, locking him in a vice-like grip, Dean hugging back just as tightly. 

_._._._._._._._._._._._ 

Dean got out of the Impala and exhaled shakily. Grasping Cas’ hand in his, he started to walk towards a large country house, feet crunching on the gravel. He had called all of his family members and friends, telling them he had some important news to share, and they arranged to meet in John and Mary’s house the following weekend.

Dean was finally going to tell his family about his and Cas’ relationship. Finally. Dean didn’t know that the majority of them had already figured it out, it was extremely obvious. Sam had almost literally jumped for joy when Dean had called him and told him that he didn’t get on his plane. Dean’s manager hadn’t been too pleased, asking Dean what she was meant to do now, and Dean so beautifully explained to her - “I don’t really give a shit, to be honest” - he didn’t want his new position anymore. He’d lost his job after that. 

Uncle Bobby had came to the rescue, offering Dean a place at his mechanic business, which Dean used to work at as a teenager for some extra cash. Dean happily complied, he would enjoy this new job better than his last one anyway. Things with him and Cas hadn’t immediately been resolved, they still argued, but this time, they sorted out the problem before it became too big. Cas had been delighted when Dean had organised the family gathering - or as Sam told Cas, Dean’s ‘coming out’ party. Everyone was bringing alcohol and other necessary items for a party, but Dean didn’t have to know that. 

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand reassuringly and suddenly, Dean wasn’t nervous anymore. He didn’t care what his family thought of his relationship with Cas, he had his boyfriend back and that’s all he needed. He knocked on the wooden front door and waited. The door opened, revealing a beaming Mary and a smiling John, who ushered the two men inside. Dean was surprised to find that the place had been decorated for a party and all his friends and family members were already there. 

”Hello, dear,” Mary sounded excited, pulling Dean in for a soft hug. She then did the same to Cas. “How are you, son?” John asked gruffly, clapping Dean on the shoulder. “So, Dean, what’s this important news you have to tell us?” Ellen shouted from the living room, Dean not noticing the obvious amusement in her voice. Dean and Cas moved into that room to greet everyone there. Ellen repeated her question, looking down and Dean and Cas’ interlocked hands and raising her eyebrows suggestively. 

”Yeah, the news,” Dean started. “Um, me and Cas- we’re- yeah” Dean didn’t really know how to phrase his answer so he held up their hands instead. Before he knew what was happening, Cas had turned Dean around and pressed their lips together. Dean melted into the kiss, as the room was filled with loud whoops and cheers. Dean smiled against Cas’ lips, feeling like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Hell, if he knew his family would react like this, he’d have told them months ago! 

The rest of the night passed quickly, everyone congratulating the two men and Sam letting slip that they’d all figured it out ages ago. Dean told of how he couldn’t bring himself to board his plane, and had instead got a taxi to drive him back to the apartment as fast as the speed limit would allow. Just as they were getting ready to leave, Jo asked a very important question. She grinned mischievously at Dean and Cas, speaking quietly, but the whole room did indeed hear her, everyone halting to hear the answer. 

”So guys,” Jo’s eyes twinkled. “Do you think marriage is on the cards any time soon? And what about babies? Are you gonna have kids?” Smiling, Cas snuggled deeper into Dean. Glancing up at his boyfriend, he grinned, “Definitely,” as Dean pressed their lips together in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Thank you to whoever reads this, I love you all! Also, feel free to check out my tumblr- the username's the same!:)


End file.
